Today I am writing because I need to let some things off of my chest. I am unsure if anyone actually reads my blog, nor do I care...well actually I do care because I do want to reach at least one person. But that is definitely not the point of this post....
Lately, I have been feeling hungry and thirsty for more of the Lord, and it just seems like He isn't near. I'm praying, I'm reading, I'm fasting.... my quiet time with Him are some days hit and miss. Some days I am totally enthralled in worship, and other days it's not there. I personally don't think that my Father would want me to bring an obligated sacrifice to His altar without a pure heart.
To be even more honest, I have been feeling like my Father is turning His back on me. Yes I read all the cute little quotes that float around social media, but those mean nothing when I'm desperately seeking to hear from my Father. It's like I'm calling Him repeatedly, I've sent a thousand text messages, e-mails, tweets, FB messages, etc., BUT I feel like His response is .... "I just don't wanna talk right now!" Have you ever felt like that? I'm tired of this feeling!
This morning I posted a scripture on my refrigerator as a reminder to myself and my husband which says, "We can make our plans, but the LORD determines our steps" (Psalm 16:9, NLT). Surely this verse comes at a time where I am feeling lost. By age 16, if someone were to ask me how my life would be after high school I could give them every detail down to the address that I would be living at by age 25. Sadly, I have only accomplished two of those things and they are definitely not in the time frame that I had intended. So what do I do? Do I throw myself into overdrive and see how much I can accomplish by 30? Do I re-evaluate my timeline and see what I can scratch off the list? Hmmmmm.... none of these are necessarily the answer. In fact, this morning I had to tell myself that it's OKAY! Here's the thing... life NEVER goes as we plan, simply because WE are planning. I know for a fact that not planning life out is one of the hardest things to do. I just want to be able to sit in the back seat and say, "Okay Lord I'm going to chill and let You do what You do!" Seems nearly impossible....but I'm sure that He can and will give us the strength!
I guess I will end my random rambling here...
Sincerely,
The King's Daughter
No comments:
Post a Comment